I speak a lot about my “fit friend” Jenny on this blog, and there are plenty of reasons I do.  Most weeks, and this is no exception, it is because she is an inspiration to me.  You can read my previous post here as to why I did not join her for this weekend’s Jack and Back for MS, but I did go out to cheer and support her on her job well done.  This will be the third year that Jenny has rode this particular ride.  I tried to ride it last year and was left with nothing but the utmost respect for her efforts. 

Jenny and I share many “wrong thinking” habits, we share our issues with mental health, and we share our battle with weight.  Jenny has come a really long way in conquering those things, giving me hope that there is a chance for me.  Sometimes I hide from her, because she is like the piece of me that knows better.  Deep down I would be a stronger person, if hers was the voice in my head instead of my own.  I think she could use a little of my voice in her head sometimes too.

I wish I knew the secret to get me from where I am to where she is.  I know what I am supposed to do, but I just can’t seem to find the courage to give it my best.  I know I am afraid to give it my all, fearing that I will fail.  I guess I can’t fail if I haven’t tried????  But I have tried, I just haven’t found whatever I need to find within myself to just keep pedaling.  I have heard that it is just mental, and if that’s true then I could be screwed. 

So this, Mamavation Monday, I am just asking myself WHY?  Why can I not give my wellness everything I have got.  I am an Honors College graduate, I am the oldest of four siblings, and I run my house and my business with relative success.  There is no reason that I cannot be successful at anything I put my mind to, so why do I not want to feel better, be healthier, and be happier.  Why do I find it perfectly acceptable to just keep eating??  What is keeping me from devoting my efforts to myself????