Over the last several weeks I have faced life lessons that I will likely spend the rest of my life unraveling. I am discovering things about myself at a pace that I can hardly begin to keep up with. I watched over my baby sister as the angels swept her away, and was washed with a sense of grief and relief of a magnitude that I could have never prepared myself for. Somehow I figured out how to put one foot in front of the other when it took everything I had to simply breathe. Now I am forced to look at life through eyes that are forever changed, clouded by the knowledge that I am still here and she is not.
I don’t know how to write about what this all means, when I have not figured anything out yet, but write I must. Here on my Mamavation Monday post, I have accountability. I have friends who are waiting on the sidelines to help me get back in line. I have people who can help me decide that life is too short
to deny myself whatever I want to eat to be controlled by an addiction to food. I have people to remind me that I need to sleep in to take care of myself I don’t have energy to get to the gym because I haven’t been in a month.
Life is short! It maybe the only lesson I have processed, but it could be the most important one. I have a responsibility to my children not to leave them early too, I have a responsibility to not leave my brothers sister-less, and I need to be around to bury my parents instead of them burying another child. I have a responsibility to get into shape so that I can be a bone marrow donor for other patients with AML. I need to get it together so that I can run, bike, walk, scream, and shout for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I need to live my life for myself, my loved ones, and for my sister and her memory.
I know that I have a lot to get done, but I haven’t forgotten that this is a process that requires baby steps. I have yet to decide where to start, but I think it might
be quitting diet soda come to me this week.
January 3, 2012 @ 4:27 am
I wish you the very best in your personal endeavors to a healthier life. May you rise to the occasion to become what you wish to be; who you were meant to be. I invite you to visit my blog anytime for inspiration and encouragement. Feel free to ask any questions you have, no matter what they are about. I have experienced some hardships in my own life and gained insight that would be helpful to you. My heart goes out to you and yours. Happy New Year and Blessings . Love and Light, Celeste. 🙂
Laura Lohr | My Beautiful Life
January 3, 2012 @ 5:56 am
Many, many kind thoughts your way. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I wish I had the right words to bring you comfort. It sucks to lose a loved one.
Give yourself a break. Take it one step at a time. You’ll be back and fighting before you know it!
January 3, 2012 @ 7:43 pm
While I do know what it is like to lose a loved one. I do not know what it is like to lose a sister to death. My heart breaks for you! My dad died recently and I still cry whenever I think of him. honestly I think it is only my children and homeschooling them all day, that keeps me from wallowing in my self -pity all day. If they were in public school all day I would have all day to mope, and curl up in a ball, but I just haven’t had the time. so I briefly think of him, cry, and move on, shoving the thoughts of him in the back of my mind so I don’t hurt. It took me a month or more to get back on my feet and start working out and even now I am not to the level I was before the loss. the motivation has been replaced by the hole in my heart. I pray you can find the motivation to get back on your feet, and get healthy. That we both can! We can help one another. I know it’s hard! I am thankful for the knowledge that I will get to be with him again one day, and striving to be a better person so I can live with him again one day! Take it one baby step at a time, and you and I, we will get there! 🙂 HUGS AND PRAYERS!
January 3, 2012 @ 10:15 pm
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad in 2010 in a car accident and I lost all will to live that day. In 18 months I packed on 40lbs and went into a very dark and deep depression. It wasn’t until a couple months ago that I realized I was slowly killing myself and if I kept it up, my family would be burying someone else. It’s a daily struggle for me and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you adjust to your new “normal.” If you ever want to chat, I’m only an email or Tweet away. Big hugs to you!!! xoxo
January 4, 2012 @ 9:22 pm
I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that you have pulled yourself through somehow with such a strong attitude about perservering. That is phenomenal!
Andrea Emilien (@AndreaEmilien)
January 5, 2012 @ 7:17 am
I’ve followed your tweets and FB posts about your sister and I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that the entire Sistahood is behind you, to hold you up when you need it, to listen when you scream, to wipe away tears when they fall.