(Last night I sat down to write my post, but WordPress was doing some funny stuff, and I was unable to see what I was typing. Ironically, the post rings more true tonight than it would have last night. So here I go again…)
I am the kind of person who always seems to be a drama magnet, but this rings even more true during the month of May. As an example, every May since my daughter has been born I re-live a time when she was in danger and when I was in even worse danger. She spent 9 days in the NICU because her lungs weren’t working, and she was home less than 24 hours before I was rushed into the ER and then into emergency surgery. Not only did I have to watch my child be swept away, go days without holdng her, but I also danced with my own mortality. I have been digging deep to face these issues head on, with my faith to guide me. I have been walking through those dark memories this year with my eyes and my heart open, and the world looks different because of it.
Yesterday, I woke up with no plans for Mother’s Day, but rather just let the day carry us around. It was the most perfect day in every way, and I felt more blessed and more at peace than I can ever remember feeling. I was hyper-aware of other hearts that were hurting, and acknowledged the heartaches that I have been struggling with as well. Still the day was filled with beauty and grace, and I became filled with a strength that I have not felt in many years. Beyond words…
Today, my faith and strength were tested, and I remain strong and full of faith. I am learning what it feels like to have an ache in my heart and still find a way to keep it open. I am learning that shutting down my heart doesn’t make the hurt go away. Finally, I am learning how to get through things instead of just trying to get over them. Now if I can only pass on some of my strength to my sister…
Heather @ Not a DIY Life
May 10, 2011 @ 11:49 pm
All I can say is that I’m sending you hugs and prayers. Hang in there.
May 11, 2011 @ 2:29 am
*hugs* Sending prayers to you and your family during this time.