So last week’s Mamavation Monday post was a downer, but no one ever said that this kind of journey is always going to be an easy one. I am learning how to deal with all of the aspects of my journey to wellness, and it is no secret that mental health is a part of that picture. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and have for many years. I have been on medications off and on for better than a decade. Over the past couple of years, I have been on a roller coaster with those meds, and had only just finally leveled out about two weeks ago. That is when I injured my foot, and began taking a steroid pack (AKA The brick wall). According to my Psychiatrist, taking steroids was a dangerous thing for me to do. Basically, I lost all capacity to do anything aside from putting one foot in front of the other. Any progress I had made in learning where my weaknesses were, how to battle my addiction, and how to take care of myself were thrown out of the window and replaced with disastrous behaviors. I will go ahead and admit to binge eating, sleeping constantly, a total lack of desire to be social (in real life and online), and a complete inability to handle any frustration or conflict. I mistreated my husband, kids, my friends, and my co-workers. I frequented fast food locations, which is something I gave up many years ago without a look back. I sat down (because of my foot) to shred cheese for dinner, and my husband caught me twenty minutes later only after I had eaten several ounces of extra sharp cheese one shred at a time. I had no idea what I had been doing, and was mindlessly moving through every moment.
I feel a little better now. I know I have a few more days before I am in the clear, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is then I will have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and assess the damage. I am again optimistic about my future, I have lessons to be learned from this, and I am quite ready to get back on my feet again (one more so than the other). So this Mamavation Monday, as we launch the new Mamavation Campaign, I will be having my own little re-launch in my head. It is just another opportunity to wipe the slate clean, refocus, and get down to business. These will not be my last set-back but as long as I can learn and grow from them, I welcome the hard times.
April 4, 2011 @ 5:01 pm
Depression and anxiety can completely stop me in my tracks and send me miles in the opposite direction I was going. One step at a time is the only way to start again. You can do this and I’ll support you every step of the way.
I love the idea of your own personal launch and your outlook. You’ve totally got this. I hope this week continues to get better and better for you! 🙂
Andrea Kruse (@notimeMom)
April 4, 2011 @ 6:11 pm
I am so glad to hear things are getting better for you! I am not sure what that would feel like. When I mindlessly eat or do things, I don’t have a reason. Medication can be such a blessing, but I am sorry to hear you had those side effects.
Yes! Relaunch with us! Whether I am on the MILI challenge, or a Mamavation Mom we are all on the same journey. Post, tweet and join in as we all struggle to get our sweat on and lose one pound at a time.
Best of luck this week! Hope you have lots of energy and a clearer head.
April 4, 2011 @ 11:50 pm
I’ve experienced depression and anxiety for most of my life, but have only been in treatment for about 6 months now. Man, it adds a certain, um, element to a healthy living journey, doesn’t it?
It was a brave post and I’m glad you wrote it. Don’t give up. It’s always a good time for a relaunch.